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mood swings…

May 28, 2009
by

I’m having one of those days where nothing feels right and I can’t seem to receive anything right. I want to sit down in a corner and cry for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that right now I seem to be craving structure, and I can’t find it.

I am taking just about everything personally, from the fact that I can’t seem to get any member of my family to sit down for a meal with me unless it’s at a restaurant, to work seeming chaotic as instructions fly from every direction, to even my ex, Justin, paying me a very nice compliment and resulting in me flying back with something along the lines of not good enough though, was it? Then, thinking I’d have leftover pizza for lunch only to find that it’s almost all gone. Upset with my lack of choices in things to drink and feeling like water is choking me. Procrastinating on writing an article that needs to get done. It keeps going from there, like an icky, icky spiral that I know all too well but don’t have a lot of recent experience with.

It’s not helping that I’m sleeping so much, I don’t think. It may be what my body needs, but my brain is not dealing with it well at all. Last night, I wanted to spend time with Dean, so I went over to his place and … slept.

Tuesday, I was in pain, so I went upstairs and took a nap.

This is actually the fifth out of seven days in a week that I’ve taken a nap. And one of those days, I didn’t nap, but vegged out on the couch for several hours in a semi-comatose state that might as well have been a nap.

So I’m frustrated with my body, for not giving me enough hours to do all the things I like to do in a day for going on three months now. I thought it would get better once school was out. I thought it would get better once I was in the second trimester.

Maybe it will. It’s only been a couple of weeks, after all. But how to get control of the spin?

(omg, I said control….)

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 28, 2009 11:53 pm

    *hugs* It’s like a case of the Mondays but on a Thursday. Granted, I’ve felt the same way with bad bouts of PMS.

    • May 28, 2009 11:59 pm

      In a way, being pregnant is like an epic case of PMS. Same hormones are involved, although I know from past hormonal birth control experience that progesterone is the real offender.
      And now I’m coping with placental progesterone rather than ovarian progesterone. Good news: I’m not having nausea anymore. Bad news: crankyness is giving way to the blues. I hope it passes quickly!

      • May 29, 2009 2:11 am

        You took the words out of my mouth, that essentially, it’s all the hormones raging through your body. Don’t worry– as soon as you have the baby, it will truly start to settle down. Since I actually have a bad syndrome that involves girl hormones (PCOS), I can tell you that your behavior is EXACTLY like my PMS week every month. (Yes, poor JC, but he knows.) I will give you this analogy which ALWAYS work. Your hormones act like the volume control on a stereo. Your issues are the same issues you’d usually have, but for some reason, the volume is turned up really high right now which makes them seem much worse than usual, and harded to deal with, since you can’t hear yourself think. When the volume is down, you still have those issues, but at a bearable hearing level, it’s easier to deal with and think straight. Perhaps if you use this analogy with some of the people around you, especially the men, then it might make a little more sense to them. I know the analogy really helped JC. 😉 You’ll get through. I went through the same stuff when I was pregnant with Drew like crazy, so I know how you feel. It will pass eventually, just not until November or so…

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