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Boys to be girls who do boys like they’re girls

May 15, 2009

I have a “either is good” attitude toward the gender of the baby, because I’ve always wanted a daughter but have already mostly raised a boy and know better what to expect.

But the more people who suggest to me that they think it’s a boy, the more I find myself really upset at the notion that it might not be the daughter I’ve been calling for in my heart for all these years.

I have absolutely no intuitive feeling over whether it’s a boy or a girl. One of the big litmuses in our family is morning sickness: The less sick you are, the more likely it’s a boy. I got sick twice with Kieran, both times in the second trimester, and had very little nausea. I had near constant nausea starting from three days after I found out I was pregnant until last week, and this week it’s been much better but not without its queasies here and there. But I haven’t actually heaved all that much, mostly because of rigorous mindfulness when it came to eating the right amount of breakfast no matter how awful I felt. But I don’t feel the degree of “morning sickness” that my aunt and mother described with their girls.

I got the probability of Down’s in at a little less than a 0.2% chance. I have approximately a 0.5% chance of miscarrying if I get an amnio. So I’ve decided that since there’s a bigger chance of killing the baby inadvertently than it having this particular condition (the other, more serious chromosomal disorders they screen for came in at <0.02%), that I will not be having the amnio.

I have another ultrasound scheduled for 18 weeks, at which time they will be looking for even more markers of things and there's a good chance we'll find out gender.

I'll be glad to know early. I am just so happy to be having another child, one I can raise with my husband, that ultimately I really _don't_ care whether it's a boy or a girl. I just hope that if it's a boy, I don't find myself languishing to have one more go at it, because I'm quite sure that Dean's going to shut down the turnpike before I'm fertile again. Granted, he was supposed to do so before this one happened.

One weird thing that happened the other day was that I was talking to my boss about my midwife, and she asked me why I didn't want to go with an obstetrician. I found myself mystified that more women don't want to be in charge of their own labors. In fact, I can't understand it, even though I've seen it plenty. Maybe it's just my own stubborn streak, and arrogance about how Heath-Gilliam women are brilliantly designed to give birth. I trust my body. In fact, if I didn't have a few key risk factors–not big risks, but key ones nonetheless, I'd have the baby at home in a snap.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 15, 2009 7:22 pm

    My sister didn’t want to know the gender of either of hers beforehand (she has one girl and one boy) – which drove ME crazy because *I* wanted to know!
    /backseatdrivingauntie 😉

  2. May 15, 2009 7:45 pm

    Stick to your probability! I don’t mean to suggest that Bunkey’s a boy, only that since seeing the ultrasound images up close and personal I’ve had an intuitive leaning toward boy; certainly not a preference. I didn’t see anything in the way of genitalia that day so I don’t know where I’m getting this from images that, to me, resembled something more like Casper the friendly ghost, speaking of indeterminent gender! All’s I can say for sure is that this is the same feeling that I got that D was a girl when was pregnant. And, ahe has a simlar sort of intuitive sense that Bunkey’s a boy, except that, if it were historically appropriate, I would totally burn her at the stake!

  3. May 18, 2009 4:08 pm

    On the OB vs midwife thing, I honestly found that I just didn’t care. I found an OB who I got on with well and other than not wanting an episiotomy, I just wanted a healthy baby at the end. The method was not a big deal for me. I completely understand why it is a big deal for some women one way or the other and I totally respect that, but I can definitely attest to the fact that for some of us it’s not lack of education or knowledge about our options, but a genuine lack of preference one way or another.

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